I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
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Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
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My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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