You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm really busy with my period
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