She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
