No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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