Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
