so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
