were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
