Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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