i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
