just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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