This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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