I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
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I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
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Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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