Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
are you so shy because you have an std?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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