Umm I'm too high to move.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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