If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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