She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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