I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
