so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Pants are for mortals
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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