Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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