I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
