I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
