but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
