im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize