is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
