4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize