jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
