when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
