I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize