yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
