Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
