Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.