we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"