There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship