Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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