He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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