We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
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The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
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But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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