very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
