And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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