i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
