Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
