Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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