All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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