hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
