Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
