she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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