history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize