Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
