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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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