but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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