LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
