I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
