it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
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I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
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So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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