fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
