At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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