According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
