Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
