it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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