mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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