some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
