coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
