Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
