You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
