dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
