Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
