dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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