someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
