16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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